if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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