lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
