I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
