The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
