You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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