i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
