I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize