I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
