remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
