Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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