I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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