people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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