she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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