I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
