Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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