whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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