it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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