Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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