don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
