we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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