I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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