he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
