what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
