3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
