ya dads aren't the best wingmen
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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