someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You're earring is so big in my mouth
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
