Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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