when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
