This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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