Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
420 ftw
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
