Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
