About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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