Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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