I bet he comes in French.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
