It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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