Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
