Betty ford says i'm here all night
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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