PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
