you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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