We are two peas in an std pod
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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