Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
