Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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