This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
