My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The air was thick with penises
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
