he thought i was a dude.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
