don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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