I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize