smell my finger.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize