If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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