You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dicks are not precious.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
