The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
