there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
