So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
