you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
