i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
