Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
