I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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