i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
