well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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