He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
