i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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