you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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