So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I still have a little drunk in my system
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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