he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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