need another drink. this is the easiest way
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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