Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
how drunk are you?
Several
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
