PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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