i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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