I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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